Wednesday, November 23, 2011

You know you’re old when…

Birthdays… I recently had one. And ever since I hit the age of about hmmm, 29, I suddenly decided that they weren’t as much fun anymore. Why? Duh, because I’m not overly keen on wrinkles (plus I swear I’m still 27 and the universe is playing some kind of sick joke on me!). And sadly, birthdays do seem to go hand in hand with this whole ageing process. Gone are the days when birthdays were anticipated with the promise of raucous parties, sickly cake and frivolous presents – a day to celebrate you and all your fabulousness.

Now, the promise has dimmed somewhat to be replaced by the ominous downhill countdown towards ‘old-fartdem’, a place inhabited by, well old people actually.  Ok, so in reality, I’m not that old, but for blogging’s sake, it’s much more amusing to be overly dramatic. Plus, I am a Scorpio and we do love drama, so do try to bear with me through my self-indulgent ramblings, if you can.

So while I’ve been contemplating my own aging and inspecting my new wrinkles (though I do think they have more to do with the utter craziness of parenthood than anything else), I did get a chance to do something fun and exciting – I went to the movies. With J no less. Like, a date. Like we used to have back in the old days, pre-baby.

So we went and saw the new Twilight movie - yes, I am brave enough to withstand your mocking and admit that I actually chose to see this of my own free will – I was convinced by 2 different friends/family members to read the books (don’t worry, I won’t name and shame you!) and they were surprisingly enjoyable. Of course, I had just had a baby and was possibly in some kind of post-birth shock, so my judgement on these may very well have been way off kilter. However I digress… we went to see the movie… And while I found it reasonably entertaining, there were moments that served to make me feel especially old as a 30-something mother of one, for these particular reasons -

a)    Whilst shedding a tear for Bella and Edward’s OTT forest wedding, instead of picturing myself walking up the aisle to my gorgeous groom waiting at the alter, I was thinking of the day when my own daughter will get married and how sad I will be that she’s all grown up. Yes that makes me OFFICIALLY OLD!

b)    I have completely bypassed Camp Edward and Camp Jacob as being way too young (though Jacob has at least sprouted some facial hair since the last movie making him look at least over the legal age, to err, drink?). And I have started a new Camp – Camp Charlie. Yeah that’s right, I’m saying Bella’s dad is actually pretty cute. When you skip the two main protagonists in favour of the heroine’s dad, you know you’re old. I lay the blame for my penchant for tall, dark, handsome, older men with soup-strainer facial hair at the feet of my sister and mother with whom I was innocently subjected to endless episodes of Magnum PI as a child. Yes, I now own the series. Tom Selleck is hot, admit it!

c)     I found myself shocked to the core when a very young teenager screamed ‘TAKE IT ALL OFF!’ at an onscreen Jacob when he was shedding his shirt (as he’s inclined to do in these particular movies). Jeez, just because we were all thinking it, doesn’t mean you expect it to come out of a 12 year olds mouth! I was suddenly faced with feeling like a dirty old perve. Ewww!

d)    Those 3 reasons alone made me feel at least 100.

So no more Twilight for me (well, at least not until the last one’s out) and instead, moving forward to discover the reasons why being in your 30’s is fabulous.

Any suggestions?

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